


i'm gonna miss you when i'm gone

by LilacsAndLilies



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, How Do I Tag, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Texting, first fic for this ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24474103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacsAndLilies/pseuds/LilacsAndLilies
Summary: you haven’t been back in new york in yearsbut stillpromise me you’ll be safei love youOrHarry comes back from boarding school to find a lot of texts from his childhood friend.
Relationships: Harry Osborn/Peter Parker
Comments: 8
Kudos: 138





	i'm gonna miss you when i'm gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is some weird mix of the comics and all of the movies, but mostly, it's tasm.

Harry couldn’t believe this was happening. He was sitting in a private jet, on the way home for the first time in almost 4 years. His father had forced him into a boarding school after middle school and had practically locked him up inside. The only time Harry had left the school was for business trips around the world, specifically never stopping back in New York. He felt almost like Rapunzel, being forced to spend all of his high school years in the same strict school with no contact with the outside world. No news that wasn’t global knowledge, no contact with anyone he had known before. Against his will, his mind wandered to the Parkers, to the kids park, to the last time he felt like someone cared about him. Harry shook his head, warding off old memories. They had probably forgotten about him. It had been six years and he had never once gone home, back to the family that treated him like their own, back to the only real friend he ever had. 

But now? He was 18 and school was over and his father had no more excuses to keep him away. Norman couldn’t afford to when he had to prepare Harry to take over the company. Harry was sure he should feel relief from finally being allowed home, but all he felt was dread. As much as he hated the stuffy rich kids he had been forced to go to school with, he hated his father more, and the idea of spending so much time in the same house as the man made his skin crawl. He couldn’t wait to be home, but he wouldn’t want to be anywhere near his father.

The plane touched down and Harry was ushered out of it to find a sleek black car waiting for him. His father was nowhere in sight. Harry let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. The ride back had been oddly anti-climactic, the streets of New York feeling so familiar but so distant at the same time. This city was his home, he had known it better than anything else, and yet, it had changed beyond recognition. All he could hope for was that he could change to meet it. The car stopped and his feet carried him on autopilot up to the penthouse where the Osborns lived. His luggage would be brought up by someone else, so all he had on him was his wallet and a phone. It felt odd, like he was walking home after a day out, not after 4 years. There was no welcome, no party, just a cold empty house, haunted by old memories. 

He walked into his room to find it still in pristine order. There was no dust, courtesy of cleaning ladies. He still remembered all the details of the day he left clearly. 

_Harry would have been kicking and screaming, but that wasn’t what an Osborn did. Instead he stood in the doorway of his room, taking in all of the details and committing them to memory. His eyes were red but he knew he couldn’t cry, not with his father standing behind him, a stern arm on his back. “We need to go.”_

_Harry nodded and followed his father into the elevator. Outside he saw Peter waiting for him. The brunet ran towards Harry and pulled him into a hug. “Please don’t go Harry.”_

_Harry wanted to respond, to hug Peter back and never let go, but he felt his father’s eyes on him. Instead he eased away from the smaller boy and said, “Don’t worry, we can still call or text. Before you know it, it’ll be summer and I’ll be back.”_

_Peter just nodded, his eyes watering. Behind him, his father sneered and ushered Harry into the car._

That had been the last time Harry had seen or spoken to his childhood friend. Harry’s father had gotten him a new phone, and forced him to leave the old one at home. They were both connected to the same number, so Harry didn’t see the issue. Peter would still be able to text him. Months passed, Peter never texted him, he never got any texts back. Took him a while to realize it wasn’t just Peter. His new phone had been completely locked up, no way to contact anyone else. He promised to stay in touch, and then he had left. Peter probably hated him. Harry couldn’t blame him. All Harry was left with was regrets that it went differently. It had been 4 years and he was still in his room, missing Peter Parker.

He walked around the room. All of the mess and the toys had been cleared away, leaving only his bed and his empty desk. On his desk laid his old phone. He looked up at the clock, it was only 2 pm. His father wouldn’t be back for hours. Against his better judgement, Harry cracked open his phone, pulling the sim card out of the remains and slipping it into the old, dead phone. He shuffled through the drawers and pulled out a charger. Then he plugged in the phone and waited.

It took a couple seconds for the phone to boot up again. Harry tapped his fingers on the desk, having settled into the chair in front of it. Soon enough, the phone lit up and switched on. At first, the screen was blank, void of notifications. Harry frowned. He had expected at least one. Maybe there was nothing wrong with the phone his father gave him. Maybe it was just him.

Then his phone started to buzz rapidly, notifications filling the screen. Emails and apps and texts from everyone he used to know. And most of all, a series of phone calls and messages from Peter Parker. He opened them and began to read.

* * *

**Peterrrrrr 😶**

**August 15, 2015**

hey harry, did you reach ok?

**August 16, 2015**

harryyyyyyy

why won’t you respond to meeeeeee

did you forget about me already 😄

**August 28, 2015**

it’s my first day of school.

when did you say yours was starting again?

all of the teachers were being boring

high school doesn’t live up to the expectations

i expected to see you for a second

**September 15, 2015**

flash is a lot worse without you here

i don’t really have any friends besides you

i miss having you around

can we video chat or smth?

**October 21, 2015**

if you don’t want to talk anymore all you need to do is say so

instead of ghosting me

maybe you could have told me before blocking me

**November 8, 2015**

i guess you’re never going to see these

so i might as well use them as a diary or smth

pretend youre still here

this is so stupid

i’m using a phone as a replacement for a friend

because i don’t have anyone else

**December 1, 2015**

we have a field trip to oscorp tomorrow.

i keep thinking about how funny it would be to have you here

maybe ill see your dad

maybe ill see you

maybe you didn’t actually go to boarding school

you just made it up

you know you could always talk to me

**December 8, 2015**

there was a really weird experiment at oscorp

i kinda wandered into it

bunch of creepy spiders and stuff

after the field trip i got really sick

just got better

i think one of the spiders bit me

**December 10, 2015**

something was up with those spiders

i dont need my glasses anymore

and im all buff and stuff

dont need my inhaler anymore either

and i keep sticking to stuff

my senses are all haywire

everything is so much stronger

this is really weird

harry i need someone to talk to about this

please respond

**December 13, 2015**

ok there is no way you wouldnt respond to that

even if you didn’t care about me anymore

because i mentioned oscorp

so i guess you changed your number or smth

i thought we were friends

you were the most important person in my life

besides may and ben

i thought i meant more to you than this

guess i was wrong

sorry for wasting your time before then

i don’t know why im apologizing

its not like you’re gonna see this

**December 23, 2015**

oh god harry

ben is dead

i cant believe this is happening

this is all my fault

he died in my arms

harry please

if you would ever choose a time to respond

it would be now

i need you

i cant believe hes gone

**January 2th, 2016**

do you know what he said to me

when he was dying

he said, “with great power comes great responsibility”

after that spider bit i got all these weird abilities

we were always talking about the avengers

and i can do part of what those guys do now

and you know

ben died in a mugging

i could have stopped the mugger earlier

but i stood to the side and watching him get away

not knowing that his next destination was my uncle

maybe ben was telling me i shouldn’t stand to the side

maybe i should try to stop those guys too

**January 30th, 2016**

i don’t know if you’ve been following the news

there’s a guy that the news has been calling spider-man

that’s me

i know i look stupid

but it feels nice to help people

the webs are synthetic

i made them in the science labs before ben died

i was using them to win fights and stuff

don’t want to do that anymore

**February 10th, 2016**

i got a job at the daily bugle

after ben died, it was getting hard to pay the bills, and i wanted to help out

i take pictures of spider-man for the magazine

i know, it’s ironic, but its easy and good money

the daily bugle hates spider-man, but its worth it to stop may from taking another job

**March 25th, 2016**

im still getting used to you not being here

i keep expecting you to show up when i turn a corner

or when i close my locker

i hope you’re doing ok

i hope, wherever you are, youre happy

**April 15th, 2016**

im kind of settling into a place here

finally getting used to not having you around

i’m still alone

**June 6th, 2016**

it’s been a while

ive been really busy

with finals and the job and stuff

guess you didn’t notice

im settling into a role

at least with spider-man

people recognize me now

they trust me

makes this a little easier

the police are mostly ok with me too

daily bugle still hates me

they call me a menace

sometimes i believe them

all i want to do is help

but harry, theres so many terrible things happening every day

i don’t understand how people could be so cruel

it’s tiring

but i can’t stop

**August 14th, 2016**

it’s been an entire year since you left

you said you would be back in the summer

i knew it was probably a lie, but some part of me still had hope

it was stupid to think you would show

**September 7th, 2016**

there’s a new girl in school

her name is gwen stacy

she’s cool and all, and she might be the first shot ive had and making a friend in a long time

she kinda reminds me of you, of how easy it was to be around you

**June 8th, 2017**

gwen kissed me today, right after our last final

it was surprising, but nice

i think i really like her

she’s smart like you

and really pretty

you always said i wouldn’t find a girlfriend

i know it was a joke, but i found one

**June 19th, 2017**

its summer again

are you coming back?

are you happy there

i applied for an internship at oscorp

i got in, start there next month

maybe i’ll see you?

gwen is gonna work there two

i think you guys would be really good friends

**July 1st, 2017**

well that’s the first day

i’m working with some guy named doctor connors

it was weird being there without you

kept expecting to see you around

i was never there without you by my side

i saw a glimpse of your dad, he scowled at me

i knew he never liked me

he thought i was too much of a lowlife to be worth your time

i guess you thought the same too

was any of our friendship real?

or was it a game, stringing me around, the lonely loser with no friends?

**August 6th, 2017**

even if you never cared

i still can’t bring myself to hate you

i’ve tried

i just keep texting you, holding onto old memories, hoping that this is a huge mistake and one day you’ll come back

**February 6th, 2018**

happy birthday, i hope wherever you are, you’re having fun

i don’t feel like texting you as much anymore

i’m too busy i guess

and i can’t waste time texting someone who won’t reply

gwen knows about spider-man

having a confidant that actually responds helps

so i won’t bother you anymore

**April 12th, 2018**

the people around me keep getting hurt

  1. connors, you know, the one from the lab, he turned out to be a bad guy



i don’t trust myself to go into details

gwen’s dad died

you know, i’m kind of happy you aren’t here

you would be in danger if you were

i'd rather have you safe and away than here and in danger

not that you would want to be around me anyway

**July 18th, 2018**

gwen broke up with me

we’re still friends tho

and surprisingly, im not sad

i couldn’t keep her in danger

and she needed the space after her dad died

when we broke up, she said, “your heart is somewhere else”

i guess she meant my heart belongs to nyc

i spend too much time as spider-man and she hates it

but it helps chase away the memories

memories of her dad, of uncle ben, of you

it has been almost 3 years

i still miss you

would it kill you to send one text?

**November 23rd, 2018**

senior year is a lot

gwen’s still around but she’s distant

and for good reason

but it means i’m in my own head a lot

and that means replaying memories of us when we were little

when everything wasn’t this messed up

i think that the last time i was happy was before you left

**January 4th, 2019**

i’ve been thinking about what gwen said when we broke up

about my heart belonging elsewhere

and i’m thinking she didn’t mean nyc

maybe she meant you

because it’s been almost 4 years

and i’m still here

missing you

and we were still so young when you left

didn’t really know how the world worked

im not good at dealing with my feelings

im really oblivious

but i think im finally starting to understand things

i said that gwen reminds me of you

maybe i was never really in love with her

**April 21st, 2019**

oh my god harry

your dad is the green goblin

you probably won’t see this

but i needed to try

he’s the one wreaking havoc on the new york

he isn’t in his right mind

please be safe

i don’t know what i would do if you got hurt

not after i finally figured out all of my feelings

not that it matters

you haven’t been back in new york in years

but still

promise me you’ll be safe

i love you

* * *

Harry read the last message and almost dropped the phone. He dared to hope that Peter would have missed him, but he had expected the brunet to have moved on, built a life without him. He expected the anger, but he didn’t expect the love. Peter Parker loved him. Even after all these years, even after thinking Harry had abandoned him. 

Harry looked back at his own narrative, at the long years spent in a school with no real friends. He was just as captive to his memories of childhood as Peter was. He missed the other boy just as much. He had considered a couple times when they were younger, what it would be like to kiss Peter, but he never went through with it. He didn't want to upset his father. His father, who was apparently a super villain. He hadn't received a lot of news, but the fights between Spider-Man and his various villains had been big enough to reach him. Harry remembered thinking the Green Goblin was a monster. But so was Norman Osborn, so maybe it made sense. Peter had no reason to lie to him, Harry trusted Peter with his life, cared about him more than anyone else. The years hadn't changed that. He might even love Peter.

The word did funny things to Harry, forcing him to revisit old memories in a new light. Harry sighed, dropping his head into his arms. Peter wasn't the only oblivious one. He had spent the years pining away, hiding his feelings just the same. He buried it so deep he didn't even know about it. Buried it deep enough to avoid facing it. But somehow, without trying, Peter gave him the strength to admit it. Peter had always been his support, his strength, and Harry loved him. 

Guilt gnawed at Harry. He loved Peter and he just left him. Peter might have felt the same, but Harry had been gone for too long. Peter had no reason to forgive him, to even look Harry in the face. Harry hadn't been there when Uncle Ben died, or when he became a superhero, which of course Peter became a superhero. Harry’s lips curled upwards. Of course, caring, sweet, amazing Peter would spend his days keeping everyone else safe and saving lives. Harry wasn’t even surprised. Peter was so selfless and amazing and Harry couldn’t believe such an incredible boy could love him. He hadn't been there to support Peter and May as they mourned and struggled. He wasn't there as Peter and Gwen split further away, as undeserved guilt ate at Peter the same way it did Harry now. Peter was so amazing and Harry didn't deserve him, especially not after all of this. 

The phone's light shined in his face as he fidgeting with the device in his hands. For all the ways that Harry had left Peter, maybe he could still make it up? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try. 

He looked up at the clock. It was almost 3. Peter would be out of school in a few minutes. He picked up the old phone and slowly typed a response.

* * *

**Peterrrrrr 😶**

**May 27th, 2019**

I love you too.

I'm so sorry for leaving you alone. I know it doesn't excuse what happened, but I never meant to leave you alone.

You don't owe me anything, but I hope you can let me explain?

I'll meet you at the playground where we first met. I'll be there in a few minutes, come whenever. I'll be there.

* * *

Harry picked up the old phone and got up. He paused for a second before picking up the new phone as well. He strode out of his room and into the elevator, quickly making his way outside. The press didn't know the Osborn heir was back yet, so hopefully he could avoid the cameras. To be honest, he didn't care if they did. All that mattered to him right now was Peter. 

Soon enough, he got back to the old playground. A wave of nostalgia washed over him. He met Peter here over 10 years ago. It had been so long ago that Harry’s life had changed irrevocably. He sat down at the bench, feeling out of place amongst the children and moms there. What if he had the wrong end time for Peter’s school? What if Peter changed numbers? What if Peter didn’t want to see him? He would be here, waiting. 

It would be worth the wait. Peter deserved at least that much. So Harry settled in, watching the kids play, thinking about simpler times. Soon, a familiar set of wheels whirred nearby. He whipped around to see someone skating towards him. Harry blinked. Peter came. Finally, they were back together.

Harry took in every part of Peter, surprised at how much the boy had changed. Peter was no longer the short, scrawny kid he had known, instead he was probably taller than Harry. Considering he was Spider-Man, there were probably muscles that he couldn’t see. Just the way he walked had a different kind of confidence, one Harry wasn’t ashamed to say made him feel more attracted to Peter. 

Peter came to a stop, setting the skateboard aside before coming to stand in front of Harry. “Harry?” His voice was low.

Harry just smiled. “Hey Pete.”

“You’re here.” Peter sounded incredulous, as if he didn’t expect Harry to show up. Harry couldn’t blame him.

“Peter I’m so sorry. I- I wanted to talk to you. I-” He paused. “Sit down. Can I explain?”

Peter nodded gingerly. He settled onto the bench, as far away from Harry as he could without it seeming odd. Harry wished Peter would move closer. 

“My dad gave me a new phone, made me leave the old one at home. It had the same number, so I didn’t think to tell you. Turns out that was a mistake. He did something to the phone, I don’t know what. The only person I could contact was him. I could barely do anything else on it. He said it was so I didn’t get distracted. I think it was because he wanted me to make new friends, join the crowd at the school. I think it’s because he wanted me to stop talking to you. I figured it out soon enough, and I thought I would apologize over the summer, but my dad had other plans. He took me to business trips and vacations, making sure I never came back home. I don’t think he even would have brought me home now if he thought he could get away with it. As soon as I got back, I put my sim card into my old phone and I saw all of your messages.” Harry paused, trying to find the right words to say. “Peter, I am so so sorry. I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying to apologize to you because I never wanted to leave you.”

Peter just stared at Harry, lost in thought. “I kept wondering what might have happened. I had a little hope that maybe there was a logical explanation, but I tried to crush it, tried to convince myself that you hated me. I thought so lowly of you, thought you would leave without a single word. How can you still trust me after that?”

Harry slid a little closer to Peter. “Because, for all intents and purposes, I did leave you. You thought the same thing anyone else would have. And even then, you never said anything mean, you just asked why. How can I blame you for wanting to know what happened? How can I get upset that you were upset that I left, when I did leave? I left you alone when your uncle died. Ben was like an uncle to me too, and I wasn’t there to mourn with you, to support you and May. You have been through so much in the last 4 years. I cannot even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through. The fact that you’re still willing to give me a chance after all of that, just proves what I already know. That you are the most incredible and sweet person I have ever known and will ever know.”

“It’s not your fault for leaving. You couldn’t have done anything about it.” Peter’s eyes were watering. “And you said it yourself, Ben was family to you too. I wasn’t suffering alone.” Peter paused, looking down at his wrists. “About the stuff you were talking about. You can’t tell anyone.”

Harry nodded, a solemn look on his face. “I would never spread your secrets. You do so much for the city, for everyone, and you’re so important to me. I would never do that to you.” He put his hand on Peter. “You can trust me.”

“And…” Peter started tapping his fingers on his leg. “About the last thing I sent you.” He trailed off. 

“I think I already told you my response to that.” Harry smiled, daring to hope that maybe they would get their happy ending.

“Oh. You meant that?” Peter looked shy, and Harry was suddenly reminded of how small Peter was when they were younger.

He nodded. “I meant every word. And if you don’t mind, there’s something I want to do.” He moved closer and gripped onto Peter’s shirt, pulling him in. “May I?”

Peter just grinned and closed the distance, putting his lips on Harry’s as they both pulled into a kiss. Harry didn’t know how long they were there like that, just two boys in a park, sharing a kiss in the midday sun. 

Soon enough, Harry pulled away. “You know, I thought about doing that when we were younger. Just to see what it would be like.”

Peter burst into laughter. Harry hadn’t realized how much he missed that sound. “So, Mr. Parker, we have many years to make up for. Would I be able to entice you with a date?” He got up and held his hand out to Peter, who just gripped onto Harry’s hand and let the other boy pull him up.

“Yes you may, Mr. Osborn. Where are we going?” Peter grinned, following along with Harry as the two walked down the pathway, their hands intertwined. 

“Wherever you want. It’s the first day of the rest of our lives. We have time.” Harry looked up at Peter.

Peter’s grin grew wider as he tugged on Harry’s hand. “You’re going to regret saying that. Come on!” 

Harry and Peter ran, arm in arm, but no matter what Peter said, Harry could never bring himself to regret that. Not if it led him to this. There was nothing better. 

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on tumblr @lilacsandlilies4  
> or on discord @LilacsAndLilies#4691


End file.
